Platypus
by RetardsAssembled
Summary: When mysterious murders toward prostitutes and strippers occur in Paris, the english special agent L decides to investigate, joining forces with his partner Matt. When a visit to a suspected gentlemen's club makes the strong man fall, what happens to the agents heart? Who controls the strings? WARNINGS: slash, lemons, murder, YAOI! PAIRINGS: LxLight, MattxMello, RemxRyuk.
1. From London To Paris

**Hiya! were the Retards Assembled Cube and Square!**

**Cube: can we get to the yaoi?**

**L: Ya i really wanna fuck Light**

**Cube: *fangirl attack* BDJHGWFBUHHDK!**

**Square: *sigh* alright so this story is pretty crude, i mean we got a BB murder case on our hands here... he goes after sluts *stares at Mello***

**Mello: What the fuck you staring at hoe!**

**Square: im bigger than you Mells keep your fucking tongue under control**

**Mello: imma beat the shit out of you!**

**Square: Just go do Matt already.**

**Mello: well i ata... hell why not**

**Cube *fangirl attack* JHVIFDHBKJHA!1**

**Square: Anywho enjoy the weird ass porn story and have fun Guys**

**Light: BB'S CHASING AFTER ME!**

**L: LIGHT IS MINE WHORE!**

**Cube: *fangirl attack* DJFVFHUWJMHBJW!**

**Square: Enjoy! Cube, SHUT THE FUCK UP! BB! STOP CHASING LIGHT WITH A KNIFE! L...!**

* * *

"Damnit Watari can't you make the cart run smoother!" Matt yelled with his head out the window

"I'm terribly sorry Master Matt, the roads are not in the best condition on the country sides." Replied Watari.

Matt let out an irritated sigh as he brought I his head back into the carriage, looking towards his newly acquired business partner. L sent an exasperated stare to the man sitting across from him.

"Did you remember to bring the files or did it 'casually' slip your mind like last time?" said L

Matt turned towards his leather suitcase and pulled out a thick burgundy file.

"I remembered" he grumbled.

He handed the files over to the older man. L took it and placed it on his lap and began to look at the files.

He took out the first profile and read it.

_Leblanc, Rem_

_Age: 35_

_Height: 6 ft_

_Sex: female_

_Origin: France_

_Description: Rem is the owner of the successful gentlemen's club "Le Cirque des Jolies" _(Trad. The circus of the beautiful.)_. The circus opened in 1867 and has been successful for the past seven years. There are currently 15 employees including dancers, prostitutes, barman, waiters and bathroom attendents._

He turned the paper over and there was a picture of a women's face, looking no older than 24, with snow white hair that turned purple around the ends. She had no make-up except silver sparkles that glittered around her strange yellow eyes.

L handed the profile over to Matt as he picked up another.

_Matsuda, Touta_

_Age:17_

_height : 5'6 ft_

_Sex: Male_

_Origin: Poland_

_Description: Matsuda was hired as a dancer at the age of sixteen. He signed a four year contract with Mme. Rem as a dancer for the club. He is recognized around the city as the shy kitty with claws._

The face of a young black haired teen stared back at L as he turned over the file he was holding. His face screamed innocence. He found it so amusing how the young man could keep that look, considering his line of work.

He once again handed the file to Matt, who hadn't even finished the first one.

'He's pretty slow for one of the world's best detectives' L thought, laughing to himself.

He handed the third file over to Matt, who had finally caught up with L.

As he reached for another file he heard a gasp slip past Matt's lips. He noticed he was staring at the picture of a frail blond, with icy blue eyes and a smug smile.

"Damn have you seen this one? He is hot!" Matt exclaimed, much to L's disdain.

"You will have plenty of time to talk to him in person when we go to the club" L said

"We're going to a strip club!?" Matt shouted excitedly

"It's a gentlemen's club, Matt, and yes we are going to investigate the club. The employees are potential suspects; I mean they are all immigrants after all."

"Gentlemen's club my ass" Matt scoffed.

L took back the photo with the man with the blond hair and began to read his description:

_Keehl, Mihael, A.K.A. Mello_

_Age: 19_

_Height: 5'7ft_

_Sex: male_

_Origin: Russia_

_Description: Mello is one of the oldest members of the gentlemen's club. He has been working for Mme. Rem for a total of five years. He is well known for his famous 'Ballet de la Taquinerie' _(trad. Teasing)

L put the profile back in the burgundy folder and took out the next one.

_Lamorte, Ryuk_

_Age: 29_

_Height: 6"2'_

_Sex: male _

_Origin: France_

_Description: Ryuk is the eldest member of the "le Cirque des Jolies". He is known around Paris as the 'the raven', because of his famous sensual trapeze act._

L turned to the photo in the back and he could hardly believe that this guy was human. The man Ryuk had skin that can almost be categorized as grey. He had dark black eyes that seemed dead. His spiky black hair had a tiny top hat on the right side.

He handed the paper to Matt who seemed to fallen asleep with the picture of the blond stuck to his face.

"I need a new partner" L sighed.

He put away the picture, threatening to fall off Matt's face and put it in the file with Ryuk's profile. He grabbed the last profile.

_Yagami, Light_

_Age: 19_

_Height: 5'7ft_

_Sex: Male_

_Origin: Japan_

_Description: Light joined the circus with Mello when he immigrated from Japan, looking for easy money. He is popular for his 'Modern Swinger" act, know across Europe._

A light pink color shadowed across the detective's face as he looked upon the face staring back at him.

'Wow…'

He sure was glad Matt was asleep not to see his embarrassment, but if you saw the face he was looking at, you would definitely understand. Golden eyes were staring intently through light brown bangs that framed his tan features.

L embarrassedly put away the picture in the file when he heard a noise at his feet.

"Oh Q I must've forgotten about you, come up here."

He picked up his plump pet platypus and placed him on his lap. He started to gently pet his soft fur on his little companion.

The cart hit an abnormally large bump that made Matt slam his head on the side of the carriage.

"Damnit Watari!" said an angry, groggy voice threw the window.

"I'm terribly sorry Master." Watari said

Matt brought his head back in for the second time, and was just as angry as the first.

Matt eyes widened as soon as he saw what was resting on top of L.

"What the fuck is that!?" he exclaimed, pointing towards thing on L's lap.

"This is Q." L replied simply.

" Ugly ass thing is what it is."

L glared at Matt. How dare he insult his pet? Q was the cutest thing in the world! Sure he had funny black eyes that strangely matched his own, but still… Matt threw his arms up in defeat knowing he crossed the line and mumbled an apology.

Matt turned back to the files he failed to read, looking through each profile carefully, lingering on Mello's one last time.

He sighed and placed the picture back in the file, placing it back in his bag.

"So why are we going to interview a bunch of slu-…entertainers?" he asked

"Because the 'entertainers' in France are being killed with similar motives as the infamous killer I used to investigate Jack the Ripper. Though this killer targets male prostitutes, he still rids the bodies of their reproductive organs. Namely their genitalia. And he also removes the heart from the men's bodies."

"That's really going to help me keep done my lunch." Matt said with a gulp

L rolled his eyes and continued to pet Q, a slight smile crept upon his face as Light's picture flashed threw his mind.

'Maybe I can just… for one night' thought L. he quickly frowned at himself for even thinking about doing something like that on a business trip.

"uh L why are you blushing"

As L was going to tell him off to mind his own business the cart came to a sudden stop.

"We've arrived at Master Matt's manor" Watari said from outside the cart.

They exited the carriage into the cold country side just outside the city lines, and headed towards the giant maple door. Watari pulled out a key and inserted it in the iron keyhole. He pushed the door open.

L followed Matt through a series of twists and turns, taking in his surroundings. It seemed to L so grand so classic, so not Matt. The pale painted walls, the giant maple furniture, the grand doors, the crystal chandeliers. L could go on for hours at how classy and sophisticated the Manor seemed to be. There was not even a speck of dust on, well anything.

Matt finally stopped in front of one of the too many doors in the long hallway and opened the massive oaken door.

He entered the large room and gestured for L to follow. the room was covered in documents and files, most of which were piled on top of an antique looking desk. The walls were covered in books about criminology and psychology books.

"now this room is definitely yours" L said pointing to the mess of files "but I didn't know you could read."

Matt sneered at him and gestured for him to sit on the leather sofa to his left.

They sat there in an uncomfortable silence until Matt finally spoke again.

"So what exactly are we going to say to the dancers?"

"This isn't going to be like a normal interrogation, we are going to be undercover as normal clubbers, looking for anything suspicious."

Matt looked excited as L explained the plan, he was a 21 year man after all.

"Please try to be serious about this." L said, a little discouraged

"I will, I will."

They got up at the same time and headed toward their respective rooms, getting ready for the investigation.

* * *

**Square: Well, that was chapter 1! the Retards hope you liked it and we got a special circus act just for you *wink, wink* we honestly don't care if you review or not, but we enjoy flames, they make us really think about our work**

**Cube: My ass they do you just wanna laugh at them**

**Square: okay maybe a little... anywho get ready for some LEMON!**

**Cube: *fangirl attack* BHVGVJHMBW!**

**Square: Probably shouldn't have said that...**


	2. Of Circus Acts And Drool On Tables

**WELCOME BACK MY MINIONS! Yes, I called you minions to you have a problem with that? Anyway sorry it took so long to update we had some problems with the collabo shit thingy bitch so I decided to just finish it myself! So it will be just square for the rest of the fic so no more fangirl attacks (maybe a few, who know maybe square will make a guest appearance.) **

**Anyhoo ONWARD MY VALIANT STEAD AND LET US READ SOME PROBABLY POORLY WRITTEN KINKY SMUT!**

**Have Fun ;)**

XxXxX

"Light hurry up!" Mello screamed through the door of his dressing room." The show starts in five minutes!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming." Light sighed

He finished placing the pink feather on the right side of his head, the black lining creating a contrast against his honey golden hair.

'I hate this job.' He thought to himself as he slipped into his red stilettos.

He once had hope for the future, getting into college, becoming a detective, finding true love. After his father died, things kind of went downhill. He lost everything he owned to the bank, let's just say they weren't very wealthy, and had to live out on the street for a while. That's when he met a short ill-tempered little Russian blond. They both had hopes for a good life in France…

He sighed again and walked down the steps toward the balcony behind the stage and sat on his swing, waiting for the music to begin.

XxXxX

The lights dimmed as L and Matt took a seat at one of the many tables surrounding the stage. The bright red silk curtains were lifted and soft sensual music was heard around the hectic whispers from excited men.

From the ceiling a swing was lowered, carrying a small elegant man. A long train glided over the back of the seat as it gently got closer to the stage. A single spotlight shone on the darkened platform, showing soft tanned legs as the swing was turned around to reveal the face of no other then Light Yagami.

The spotlight shone around his head, creating a halo of light, glowing against his tan features. Whistles from horny men could be heard around the room as Light descended from his seat and started walking onto the catwalk, his hips swishing with each step he took, his thigh length dress moving up his leg slightly.

Drool was starting to collect on the tables as he walked past, each seashell shaped spotlight illuminating his tanned, toned legs.

He strolled down the catwalk, stopping at the very end, looking over the crowd of men in suits. He walked back over to the swing, making sure to exaggerate each move showing off a little more of what was hidden under the pink frills and long train.

With one hand, he held onto the metal cable and swung his head back, moving in a grand and elegant circles, a sexy smirk widening on his face as he caught site of all the lust filled eyes.

He brought his body back up, intertwining his legs around the swing as he gently lifted his body of the ground to pirouette around the wooden plank as it was lifted slightly higher. He spun around the cables, the hem of his dress moving closer and closer to his waist under the watchful eye of the audience.

He let go of the swing as he twirled around the stage, his sparkly heels emitting red shadows across the black stage.

Suddenly, the rhythm of the music changed, going from soft and sensual to hard and demanding, announcing a small blonde's arrival. He quickly met the other dancer at the edge of the stage, shining spots outlining his waist, the tables collecting more drool. At this rate, they were going to need a bucket.

His flirty, icy blue eyes staring over the crowd of men as he slowly bent over, spinning on his toes with practiced grace. Light exited the stage, leaving the small Russian to do his thing.

The blond caught sight of the drool left by his companion and smirked

'this is going to be fun'

He continued to move lower and lower, his hand gently caressing his leg as the music softened once again.

Light got onto the swing again, exiting the stage slowly as grunts of displeasure were heard. They were soon replaced by more whistles as Mello started to whirl around the edge of the catwalk, coming face to face with multiple men, seeing want and desire in their eyes.

He pressed a hand on a man's cheek, caressing it slowly then pulling away. He walked further along, coming up to another man and bringing his lips closer and closer. Mello felt the man's breathe hitch and pulled away, a sneaky smirk creeping on his face.

He continued along the stage until he came to the stairs at the end. He scanned the crowd carefully, looking for something interesting. At the sight of a mop of red hair with lust filled eyes, he smirked once again, man he was doing that a lot tonight, well, more than usual.

With soft and smooth movements he made his way to the steps and forged a path through the grabbing hands and drooling faces towards the redhead at the far end of the room. His eyes never left the others, slowly filling with lust of his own at the look in those earthy green eyes.

He crept closer and closer, his long legs and pointed feet giving him innate grace and a somewhat predatory appeal. A few steps from his destination, a _very _drunk looking man blocked his path and his view, making a low growl escape from the back of the small Russian's throat.

"hey baby, you gonna blow me? Ill pay ya good and threat ya right after." The man made a creepy attempt at a sexy smile, the smell of his breath lingering in Mello's breathing space.

"Now, is that really the way to talk to a man?" he asked, trying his best to keep his temper under control.

"Ah come on babe you know you want this" the man grabbed his crotch, squeezing the obvious hardness and moaning slightly through his yellow teeth.

"Okay listen here _buddy_…"

"Please, allow me." Said a voice behind the drunk. "I'm sorry sir but, show some respect. It's bad enough this man dances around for our own amusement, the least we can do is show him the appreciation we have for his doing so." Bright red emerged from behind the man coming to stand beside the little blond firecracker. "This, is form good measure." A powerful punch was delivered to the man's jaw sending him flying backwards to the floor. "And you, are coming with me. Or, you will be." He said with a satisfied smirk as he snaked his arm around Mello's waist, pulled him close and kissed him breathless.

"You know, I have a dressing room, sexy stranger."

"I'm not so sure I want to tll you my name now, because I like the sound of that." Matt replied, slowly maneuvering the both of them towards the back of the room where stairs were located leading to backstage.

"Would you like to know mine?"

"I'd much rather kiss you again."

A teasing smile spread over Mello's lips before he took Matt's bottom lip between his teeth and sucked, nipping playfully and keeping his icy blue in full contact with forest green.

"Well now I wanna fuck you into the nearest hard surface." His words were slightly slurred to to the inability to use both his lips.

"There's a bed upstairs." Mello whispered before again claiming the man's mouth, immediately plunging his tongue into the hot and ready cavern and moaning at the taste of toothpaste and vodka, a perfect mix according to the Russian.

Finally reaching the stairs, they clumsily made their way up, the process long and strained as one of the two always ended up slammed into the wall.

Tired of stumbling, Mello wrapped his legs around Matt's waist and his arms around the other's neck, fingers tangling in silky red locks.

"Mello? What the hell do you think you're doing? Your shift isn't over yet! Get your ass down here!" Rem yelled in the background, her words obviously showing anger.

"Cut my pay I'm fucking busy right now!"

"Busy fucking is more like it." She grumbled, knowing it was useless to argue with the blond man.

Mello smirked triumphantly and quickly claimed Matt's lips once again, unable to get enough of the addicting flavor.

They continued the perilous trek up the stairs, finally making it to the top, barely noticing, too lost in each other to care.

Matt cracked an eye open, looking over the row of wooden planks with doorknobs, spotting the golden star with Mello sprawled in black cursive and kicked the door open, stumbling toward the bed and dropping Mello on it, laying himself over him and kissing down his throat, loving the small mewls he got from the other.

"Matt could you…mmm…could you go.. to the..the desk over there?"

"What do you need baby?"

"There are.. hmmhm… le..leather straps in… there."

"You wanna be tied up? Ooh I like that, getting complete control over you. Is that what you want? Do you want to be taken advantage of? Do you want me to make you a moaning panting mess?"

"YES!" Mello moaned loudly. Matt chuckled softly and made his way to the desk, opening the drawer and grabbing the leather bindings and the lubricant sitting next to them.

He made his way back to the bed slowly, teasingly, ridding himself of his clothing, button by button, inch by inch as Mello's eyes practically burned holes where his fingers were with his ogling.

"Hurry up your gonna kill me!" he half whined half moaned as Matt was now completely bare, walked over to him, a new ferocity making itself known through a brighter glow to his eyes.

Matt slowly brought Mello's arms above his head, trailing his fingers lightly, enjoying the feel of the smooth skin on his fingertips. He tightly tied the leather around the others wrists and the bed posts, earning a new moan from the blond as the bonds were not only a turn on, but also created delicious friction against his already oversensitive skin.

No longer able to bear it, Matt crawled over Mello, quickly diving for his neck, leaving sloppy open-mouthed kisses along the column, sucking harshly behind the Russian's ear earning a new set of small mewls that went directly to his already aching erection.

As the redhead descended further down, he grabbed the zipper of Mello's dress and slowly pulled it down with his body as his teeth nipped and then he sucked at various places, being especially sure to give extra attention to the small pink buds residing on the smaller man's chest.

Matt continued to pull the red frilly dress down, grabbing the skin tight shorts and small ballet slippers in the process, leaving the blond completely bare for his eyes and tongue to ravish to their hearts contents. Matt's mouth descended once again to wards Mello's body, this time working his way up, all the while lathering his fingers in lubricant, ready to prepare the Russian beauty.

All the while, Mello was having the time of his life. He absolutely _loved_ being tied up, especially by hot redheaded strangers. He was already a moaning, panting mess, and all they had done was make out and take their clothes off! He felt the familiar intrusion in his lower regions as Matt inserted a finger. The blond moaned loudly, clearly eager for what was to come.

"For…forget thAAHH OH MY GOD!" he moaned midsentence. Oh man he loved it when they found his spot early, usually it took men forever to find but this guy was efficient it seemed.

"did you like that?" Matt purred in the others ear, hot moist breath hitting the shell of it. A shiver made it's way down Mello's spine. He felt Matt slowly withdraw his fingers and press something much larger press at his entrance. "Do you want it?"

Mello nodded eagerly, desperately wanting to be filled by this sexy stranger. Matt rubbed his tip on Mello's entrance, causing a wanton moan to escape the blond's lips. Matt stopped his teasing and was about to push in, Mello bracing himself for the pleasure…

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"HOLY SHIT!"

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!"

"MELLO GET DOWN HERE NOW!"

Well, so much for that fun looked like things were getting stirred downstairs. Mello sighed disappointed. Looks like he was gonna have to plan to see this stranger again. A devious smirk stretched his lips, this was going to be fun.


End file.
